As per our Hindu philosophy, humans are supposed to aim for the 4 ‘Purusharthas’, viz. Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. The fact is that the roles of men and women are so intertwined that, to achieve the Purusharthas, it becomes essential that one marries and complements the spouse in attaining it or one becomes a lifelong renunciate. Take Dharma for instance – it is the spouse who can encourage you to be on the right path of life, stay away from temptations, and most importantly follow the rituals as written in the Shastras – whether it is a Puja or a Yagna or any other Dev-Kaarya, a spouse is needed to attain the fruits of the rituals. It is the same for all the other Purusharthas too. Even the great Rishi Yagnavalkya took permission from his wives before he sought Moksha. Keeping all this in mind, we understand that in our Hindu philosophy both men and women are expected to uphold Dharma equally. When this is the case, why do we single out the Bharatiya Naari as one who is worthy of being worshiped? Why is a “Stree” given special respect in our Bharatiya tradition? What is Stree Dharma? In today’s world when women seem to have forgotten their Dharma and are called as gold diggers, it takes a Guru to say it as it is without colouring it, sounding condescending or exaggerating her greatness.

Shankaracharya Swami Avimukteshwaranand Saraswati of Jyotirmath, while defining the Bharaitya woman, says that she is in many ways similar to a Sanyasi. Like the Sanyasi has left his home, family, friends and identity behind in his search for “Atma-uplabhdhi” (search for the soul), the woman too leaves behind her home, family, friends and identity when she gets married. Both are “gruh-tyaagi” ie. both leave their homes behind. The Sanyasi leaves behind his Aham Bhaav (arrogance) and ego when he enters Sanyas Ashram. Similarly, the Stree dissolves her identity in her husband on getting married – she takes on his name, gotra and kul (clan). In fact, she now revels in her role as a Dampati, a married woman; she thinks of herself as with her husband, as a pair. If she becomes a widow, then till the end of her life, she follows the rules that the Sanyasi follows, like that of Brahmacharya (abstinence of sex), satvik food and no shringar (self-adornment). The words for a Sanyasi and a widow too are similar, indicating the similarity of their roles – यति and यती respectively.

So if the wife or woman is expected to be so pious, how are the men supposed to be? Are there no such rules for the men? Hindu Dharma has very strict rules for the men too :

• The Raja (ruler) gets “Brahma-hatya Paap” (sin of killing a Brahmin) if he cannot protect women, cows, Bhoomi (land) and a practicing Brahmin’s wealth.
• Like Pati-vrata Stree (chaste wife), even men are not supposed to have a roving eye. The man (purush) cannot act arbitrarily or willfully – he has to stay within the rules of “dampatya” ie. married life if married and if a bachelor too he has to abide by the rules of Brahmacharya and maryaada (limits of decency).
• The wife is considered a “Sahayogi”, one who acts alongwith her husband and there is no separate Yagna which a woman can do on her own. But that does not mean that the man can do any Homa (Yagna) before marriage or without his wife (remember Prabhu Sri Ram’s Rajasuya Yagna with a golden Sita). After marriage the man has to include his wife in every Yagna or Puja that he wants to do. Skanda Purana IV.i.4.68 “Two worlds, viz. the visible world and the other world are won over through wife. A man without a wife is not entitled to perform the rites of Yajna pertaining to Gods, manes and guests.”
• According to Kashyap Smriti, in all auspicious works, a wife is placed ahead. All Karyas are subservient to Dhara or Stree (woman). Her permission is required for every Karya, even for going on a Pilgrimage. “Naasti Bharya Samaan Teertham”…
• Every man has to be capable of protecting women, especially those in his family. In fact, the sign of a healthy society is one where a woman can live fearlessly, not because she is capable of self-defense but because she does not need to worry about defending herself from human predators. This is not offensive or toxic patriarchy but the sign of a healthy society which respects women and where women themselves are worthy of respect.

In Sanatan Dharma, men and women are parts of the whole and where each one complements the other in all the Purusharthas (Dharma, Artha, Kama, Moksha). Interdependence makes for a healthy society with less of ego and arrogance floating around. The Bharatiya Naari (woman) needs to strengthen herself with Dharma in every aspect of her life and the Bharatiya Nar (man) needs to remember that Dharma, not Bhog-vilas (materialism & hedonism), has to be the foundation of society. To end, do read this story from the Padma Purana to understand how important the role of a woman in Hindu society is …

Krikala lived with his wife Sukala. Unfortunately Sukala did not have a healthy constitution and remained ill many a times. Krikala wanted to go on a pilgrimage and he was worried that his wife will not be able to withstand the difficult travels. So one day when his wife was asleep, he left home to go on the pilgrimage. After completion of the pilgrimage, on his way back, he saw a strange sight – his ancestors were being flogged by someone powerful. He stopped the being and asked, “Who are you and why are you flogging my ancestors?” The powerful being replied, “I am Dharma and I am flogging your ancestors who earlier were leading a happy existence in Pitralok.” Krikala was surprised and asked, “Why are they being flogged by you?” Dharma answered, “It is because of your actions.”

Krikala was even more surprised. He had just finished his pilgrimage, offered ‘tarpan’ to his ancestors as per the Shastras (or so he thought) and now instead of them being happy, they were being punished! “What actions?” he asked. Dharma replied, “You indulged in all the rituals without your wife Sukala. This is against the Shastras. It is imperative that the wife be involved in all the Dharmic rituals performed, else they are worthless, nay, sinful.” As per Padma Purana II.59 8-10 “Dharma said, The entire fruit of religious merit of him, who, leaving behind his pure and most meritorious wife, becomes worthless. All the religious deeds of him, who leaving behind his wife, goes to holy places to perform religious rites, are done in vain.” It is impossible to proceed in householder’s life without the active participation of the wife. “Naasti Bharya Samaan Teertham” (there is no Teerth equivalent to a virtuous wife).

Do you know of any other religion or society which venerates its women this much or gives her such rights and status? Is it any wonder then that the Bharatiya woman was never in the past enamoured by Western Feminism or the toxic masculinity propounded by Islam? Unfortunately, as we become more and more deracinated, Hindu men and women are forgetting the timeless lessons as taught in our Shastras and are running behind toxic Feminism and the chicanery called “women’s Rights”. Secularism and lack of respect for the Dharma which is the backbone of our Nation, does that. This Navratri let us strengthen ourselves with the true Shakti – that of virtuous living as defined by our Shastras.